Seeking Happiness

A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering. — Dalai Lama

Why are people unhappy?

Searching for answers

Is money the key to happiness? How many times have you said, if only I had enough money, all my problems would be solved? How many rich people, though, live their lives in misery while their wealth smothers them?

Perhaps attaining success is the answer? Of course, the definition of success varies according to whom you ask. There are many successful people, though, who are not only unhappy but unpleasant to be around.

Maybe power is the key to happiness? Many influential leaders, however, brought misery and ruin not only to themselves but millions of others as well.

What is perplexing about this whole issue is that some people appear to lack these components yet seem entirely happy with their life.

A learned behavior

If we examine the Dalai Lama’s statement, we come to the conclusion that happiness is a learned behavior. Happiness doesn’t seem to originate from any external sources like money or success or power. Certainly, we are intended to live happy lives while we are here on this earth. If not, then what would be the purpose of a life filled with misery and unhappiness?

From everything we know about Bill Alexander, he was a happy person. His life, though, was not without its share of obstacles, pain, and doubt. If anyone had an excuse for being unhappy or complaining about his lot in life, it was Bill. He chose, as the Dalai Lama suggests, to live a happy life by how he responded to the events that affected him.

Re-examining “The Gap”

We’ve talked about mindset and the power of negativity . A key to finding happiness might be in re-examining our discussion of “The Gap”.

You’ll recall that “The Gap” compares where we are now to an ideal. The ideal is not a goal because we can never reach it. The ideal is our muse. It inspires us. But attempting to achieve that ideal will automatically lead to frustration and disappointment.

You can quickly identify folks who pursue the ideal. They never consider themselves “good enough.” If you praise them for a job well done, their response is, “I could have done better.” No matter what they achieve — money, success or power — it’s never enough. While we may think of these folks as greedy, they tend to be unhappy as well.

Our article on “Looking Back” discussed a much different way to measure your success. Rather than comparing your progress against an unattainable ideal, we discussed comparing your progress against two clearly defined, and achievable, points — where you started and where you are now. This type of comparison leads to a more satisfactory result.

How we were brought up

We were not born unhappy. Have you ever noticed the delight in a baby’s face as he or she experiences each new day? God never intended for us to live sad, unfulfilled lives. He gave us the gift of happiness at birth. Even the poorest of the poor can experience joy.

Born into abject poverty, Bill filled his childhood with joyful experiences among Mother Nature. His autobiography describes simple pleasures such as listening to a skylark or basking in the beauty of a setting sun. His parents had little money, yet they had joyful times together.

A child raised in an environment of “never good enough” is going to have a much different experience than one who was brought up in an atmosphere of “look at how far you’ve come.” A person brought up in an environment of “entitlement” is going to be unhappy because they hear that they “deserve better.”

It depends on how you measure

Perhaps the key to finding happiness is as simple as how you measure your success in life. If you always compare your progress against an unattainable ideal, you’re never going to be happy. If you measure against how far you’ve come, you will create the learned behavior the Dalai Lama suggests. You will have found happiness!